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Sometimes a child is too young or too frightened to tell you about a problem. If he cannot deal with a problem he may become stressed. As you know, some stress is normal for everyone, but too much stress is a sign that your child needs help. Discuss any changes in your child's behavior that lasts more than a few days with your provider. She may also have noticed these changes, and have ideas about what might be going on.

Any number of things can cause stress in a young child. Just going through some of the normal changes of adolescence is stressful to both child and parent! Both good and bad situations can cause stress. Just think how excited a young child can get over Christmas and birthdays. The following list will give you some idea of things that might cause signs of stress in your child.

POSSIBLE CAUSES OF STRESS

• Divorce or death in the family
• Arrival of a new brother or sister
• Family violence
• Holidays, other special events
• Accidents, injuries, illness
• Moving
• Death of a pet
• Family or provider expectations the child cannot handle, such as toilet training toddlers too early, or asking them to sit still for more than a short time.

Possible Signs Of Stress In Your Child

Remember that any child may show these signs occasionally. Be concerned only if there is a change from normal behavior, and it seems to go on for some time with no signs of stopping.

• Headaches and stomach aches
• Sleeping problems
• Trembling, nervous movements
• Teeth grinding
• Has more injuries
• Returns to bed wetting and/or thumb sucking
• Goes to bathroom more than usual
• Cranky, lazy
• Becomes destructive
• Starts hitting or biting other children often
• Does not want to go to the day care setting

Possible Signs Of Stress In Your Provider

Your provider may also show signs of stress. Too much stress may cause her to hurt or neglect your child or to give less than the best care she can.

Possible signs of provider stress:

• Labels your child as "bad" or "difficult".
• Is not concerned about your child's well being and doesn't seem to be paying attention to him.
• Gives different stories about how your child gets hurt.
• Uses punishment such as hitting, spanking, or yelling.
• Gets angry when you ask about your child.

What to do if you have problems:

If you think the problem with your child's behavior is in his day care:

• Tell your provider about your concerns. Assume that she is doing the best she can, and see if you can work together to solve the problem.
• Ask your child questions that allow him to tell you his concerns. "Open-ended" questions, or those which cannot be answered with a yes or no, can let your child tell you more.
• Keep daily log noting any injuries or anything unusual.

Danger Signals:

The following problems should always be checked out. If your provider does not have a reasonable explanation, you may wish to contact your local child protective services agency, which is part of your local department of social services.

• Unexplained bruises or injuries
• Continued minor injuries
• Fear of the day care provider
• Torn or bloodstained underwear
• Panic, fear, or terrified crying every time parent leaves.
• Persons other than your provider or staff in the home or center on a regular basis.

If you cannot get satisfactory answers get outside help. Call your local social services department.

After normal business hours or on weekends, call the toll-free hotline at 1-800-552-7096 to report suspected child abuse.

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